He Should Have Told Her
by TARDISkeeper
Summary: What went through the Doctor's head when he thought Rose was dead?  Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who.  Probably a K  but giving it a T to be safe.  Review! :


He Should Have Told Her

Numb.

Everything was numb.

Beautiful Rose, who had brought hope into the Doctor's life for the first time. Who had changed the way he looked at life. Who had made him believe that maybe happy endings still existed.

Rose was gone.

Dead.

Like his hearts. Like everything.

There was nothing left of her. Just some dust.

There was nothing left of him either. Nothing that was worth anything. Not without Rose.

He loved her. Why had he never told her he loved her?

Ever since they'd met, he'd known she was special. But he'd never admitted, not even to himself, the way he really felt about her.

Memories flashed before his eyes…

They were trapped inside the room, while the Slitheen stood outside. But the Doctor had a plan. A good plan, except for one thing.

It might kill Rose.

He'd mentioned to her and the other woman that he had a plan, but it was dangerous. He'd said that it might destroy them along with the Slitheen.

"I could save the world… but lose you," he told Rose, not knowing what to do. She'd looked at him like he was crazy. Of course he would save the world. That was the only thing to do. It was no choice at all.

That was what he would have said, too, before then. He'd known that a day like this might come, where he would have to choose between saving the world and saving Rose. He just hadn't thought the choice would be so hard to make when it came…

He was in Mr. Van Statten's museum. The Dalek had Rose and it was the Doctor's fault. He'd shut her down there. Now she was probably dead…

But the screen flared to life and there was the Dalek, holding Rose hostage. It told them to let it up or it would kill Rose.

"What use are emotions if you will not save the woman you love?" it asked him.

The Doctor wanted to tell the Dalek that it was wrong, he didn't love Rose in that way. But he knew it didn't care, and the most important thing was getting Rose out of there alive. He knew that if he didn't find a way to kill it, the Dalek would destroy the entire human race. Still, he didn't hesitate. He had to save Rose.

He let the Dalek up…

Rose had danced with Jack.

The Doctor didn't like that. He didn't know why. He just didn't like it.

And the fact that Jack was trying to distract the alien child with the same song he and Rose had danced to just annoyed the Doctor even more.

Rose thought the problem was that he was jealous because Jack could dance and he couldn't. But that wasn't true, because he could dance, and he told Rose so. Then he realized that had been a mistake when she told him to prove it.

He wasn't quite sure what to do. He seemed to have lost all the dancing skill that he'd picked up in 900 years. Plus, the fact that it was Rose he was dancing with made his awkwardness even worse for some reason. All he could really do without tripping over his own feet was sort of sway back and forth.

And then Jack spoke, and the Doctor realized they'd been teleported onto Jack's ship. How long had he been standing there, dancing with Rose, and not noticed they were on Jack's ship?

He couldn't help but smile just a bit, though. Jack had seen him dancing with Rose; maybe now he'd back off a little.

Wait. Why would he want Jack to back off? It wasn't like he loved Rose. Jack could have her. No problem.

Still, he was just a tiny bit happy that Jack had seen them dancing…

He was in the TARDIS with Margaret, the last Slitheen, and Jack. The ground outside was breaking apart. What was going on?

Actually, the more important question was, where was Rose? He knew she'd gone off with that idiot Ricky. Where was she now?

Not safe, he was sure of that. The Rift was opening. The ground was cracking open. She was definitely not safe, wherever she was.

WHERE WAS SHE?

He'd never been this worried about anyone before. He started imagining all the terrible things that could have happened to her…

NO! This was getting him nowhere.

But he couldn't go out and look for her. He couldn't do anything! He felt so powerless…

She had to be safe. She _had_ to be. Her mom would _kill_ him if she wasn't.

But more than that… if she died…

He cared deeply about her, he knew that. She was one of the best friends he'd ever had, even if she was a human.

She couldn't die. She just couldn't.

He realized suddenly he was clenching his fists.

And then he saw her, running to the TARDIS, and he let out his breath in a sigh of relief before he even realized he'd been holding it…

Why? Why had he been so blind, the Doctor wondered. How could he not have seen that he loved her?

Now it was too late.

Because she was gone.

Forever.

He should have realized it sooner.

He should have told her.


End file.
